Today was not a very good day. There were a number of disappointments for me that really weighed me down. However, this post is not about me. It's about the society that I live in.
I have always been quite fanatical about equal treatment for as long I can remember. Equal treatment for women, men and children. I have always believed that respect was only reciprocated if it was in fact deserved. As a female myself living in Nigeria, meeting other people who felt the same way, or were as passionate as I was about equality, was not an every day occurrence. Understanding why people felt the need to be bigger or feel more important than others because of their wealth, gender, sexual orientation, or anything they felt could be seen as having an upper hand, never came easy to me.
For a few weeks now, I have been helping an Aunt of mine, let's call her Auntie Chigozie, with her clothing business. She has impeccable test and style, and has such a big personality and heart. Our hired help , or House-girl as they are deemed in Nigeria, noticed this and immediately, loved how my Aunt styled herself. Let's call her Lovette. In our culture, it's quite normal for the the friends of the Madam or Oga of the house ( my mother or my father) to give the hired help a little something for their hard work. A tip if you will.
However, Lovette, in a joking and innocent manner, turned the tables around and asked Auntie Chigozie to gift her an item of clothing. As expected, Aunty Chigozie laughs and gives a patronizing nod and a small, knowing smile. When Lovette leaves, she then looks at me with a haughty look as if to say '' Can you believe her?''.
A few days ago, Auntie Chogozie travelled. She calls Lovette, to check on her children who are staying in our house while she's away. Today, As we pick my younger brother from school, I am then told by Lovette, to send a picture of some shoes to Auntie Chigozie. Confused, I ask why. I then learn that she (Lovette) had asked my Aunt to buy her shoes. I'm completely baffled, but I have no idea why. It's not a surprise that she asked. A lot of people ask others to bring them back something when they travel. I brush it off and I agree. As I later chat with Aunty Chigozie, she tells me, in form of many LOLs and laughing smileys, about how Lovette had asked her to buy her something. I attempt to defend her by proclaiming how much she loves my Aunt's style. She continues to laugh and muses about how she'll find her something for her business back home.
When we return home, Lovette rushes into the house, and minutes later returns with a magazine which has a small picture of the shoes she wants. They are white Gladiator heels, not cheap looking AT ALL. She is completely ecstatic and doesn't forget to tell me that she's a size 37. She is overjoyed, like a child writing their Christmas list, and I'm the lucky elf that gives it to Santa. Of course I smile , and take a picture of the shoes and promise to send them to my Aunt.
I haven't sent the picture and I don't think I will. Let me explain why.
Many of The Ladies in the upper echelons of Nigerian society can be very cruel. They are a gossipy, snooty bunch, who delight in critiquing the lifestyle of others so much, that they make the cruel remarks of Gordon Ramsey and Simon Cowell seem like Little Miss Daisy. I know this, as 95% of the ladies in my family are part of this prestigious group. They love to talk about their children, big parties, latest fabrics and best of all, the complete and utter incompetence of the House-girls and House-boys.
Oh there is nothing that brings out as much laughter, angry hooting and makes the drinks flow like the Life and Adventures of the people they pay to look after their homes. There are never enough stories of how Esther is a complete and utter dunce, how Mary is a foul, dirty beast and the life and times of Mr Sunday and how, since he is a slow dullard, he forgot to wash the tires of the new car. Nothing brings more joy, and brings the group together. Keep it in mind, that many of these women are smart, hard working ladies, rather than bored housewives who have nothing to do.
Now please keep it in mind, that I do love these ladies. They're basically my family. They can be very kind and thoughtful. However, their level of sincerity can be overshadowed by their contempt.
If I had sent that picture, I can predict how the future would play out. My Aunt would see it, have a good laugh at Lovette's audacity, before sending the picture to my mom. They would have a riot. After a few days or so, when My mom would go to her sister's house, maybe with Auntie Chigozie in tow, Aunty Lovette comes to clear the dishes, they would give each other side smiles and proceed to laugh about how forward Lovette was. A picture of the shoes would be passed round, and more laughs will be shared.
Now maybe I have a thing about being laughed at. Maybe I'm being a little sensitive. However, the Classism that storms it's way through Nigerian society is frankly, quite embarrassing. What irks me the most, is not that Auntie Chigozie will surely not buy the shoes. Heck, if I asked her, she wouldn't buy them for me either. Well, I might be lying. There is a chance that she would. What frustrates me, is the idea that people like Auntie Chigozie, do not believe that someone like Lovette would be worth buying those shoes for. That because she is the help, the fact that she would entertain the idea that someone with as high a social status as my Aunt, would consider buying her shoes.
The reigning idea in my country is that once you have a particular amount of money, reach a particular age or have specific group of friends, you have free reign to do basically anything. It's like Diplomatic Immunity. Now keep it in mind, I'm not talking about common snooty, bratty behaviour. I'm talking real mean shit. Verbal and, shamefully a lot of the time, Physical abuse. Stories of Women beating their nannies of men arresting their Gatekeepers is not news. The mother of one of my best friends, witnessed an episode with a neighbour and his nanny. Apparently, as she fetched water from the tap, the bit of iron sticking out of the bucket, scratched the car. Not a deep scratch mind you, but anyone who is born in a Nigerian home knows that Nigerian men do not mess with their vehicles. When he found out, he, in broad daylight, forced her to swallow stones in their compund. My friend's mom who is watching from her balcony freaks out obviously, screaming bloody murder and begging people to help. Being a Lebanese woman, this must have come as quite a shock to her. Frankly it was shocking to me as well, but my mind was not blown. Even though that was the worst case I had heard, abusing the help was too common place for a physical reaction of disgust.
I don't know why this behaviour is acceptable. The first idea I had for the cause of this treatment to the people that you PAY to do chores, was that maybe it started from school. Thankfully, it's not just in my country that the idea of students bullying students when they were in a position of pseudo power, such as head girl or prefect, was normalized. Years later, those who were bullied, obtain power and continue the sick cycle. The world is just starting to realize that bullying is not okay and not an option. Honestly, this amuses me because it's the same parents that take their children to church and talk about respecting others, that fail to respect the people that work for them.
The second idea I had was that maybe it's because they know that people like Lovette desperately need their jobs. In our society, a massive amount of Nigerians don't get to go have an education and go for the only jobs they are qualified for, or where the can get easy qualifications. These are jobs like nannies, drivers and so on. Maybe it's because these people know how desperate they are. Lord knows that if we were like any other country where you had to get a degree in child care and the average salary was no less than fifty thousand naira a week, the maltreatment would surely be down.
I know this seems like such a stretch from the story of my Aunt not buying shoes for the help, but in my opinion, it's all connected. It all boils down to a sense of superiority over people who don't have the same opportunities that you do, and then taking advantage of that. Maybe it's insecurity and how some people compensate for things they are denied or were denied at an earlier age.
I just know it has to stop. Treating people you pay to work for you like crap does not show how big you are. It does not tell the world how wealthy or how good at your job you might be. It just shows how sad a human being you really are, and that the only way to make yourself feel giant, is too make another person feel small.
As Sirius Black said, If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.
Although I simply love that quote, the help are not inferior. Not in any way. Their social status does not equate their worth, just like extreme wealth does not portray class. This situation needs to be addressed urgently, before, like a virus, it spreads to the next generation. I've had enough of bratty children, thank you very much.
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